Hint - if you’re like most people I work with, you default to “fix it” mode, but it this may not be serving you … or your team
Ahh conflict. Something many of us try to avoid, yet a reality of the workplace.
Most conflict is little “c” conflict. Many of us think differently about how to approach a task, we understand our roles and expectations differently and we process information and communicate in our own unique ways.
And as a leader, you may notice that - in the face of conflict between your team members - the issue will often get escalated to you. Your team may feel its not their place to directly address an issue. They may be uncomfortable with conflict. They may not have developed the trust or skills needed to manage conflict in a productive vs destructive way. Or it may simply be easier to bump the conflict up the food chain ;)
And most of us leaders - often coming from a place of trying to be helpful - will get into “fix it” mode to swiftly and efficiently deal with the problem.
The problem gets solved … so what’s the problem?
When we default to intervening and mediating between team members, we are creating or reinforcing a pattern (team has a problem, leader must fix it) and we are not empowering our teams to figure out how to directly navigate their relationships with each other. We also run the risk of getting facts wrong, playing a game of telephone and adding more misunderstanding than clarity to the situation.
So what do we do instead?
We can use a coach approach to support, guide and “hold people capable” (thanks Essential Impact for teaching me that brilliant phrase). Here are some steps & sample statements you might use when a team member approaches you about conflict with someone else.
Step 1 - Acknowledge and empathize
“It sounds like you and (person) are seeing (task) quite differently.”
“It sounds like your dynamics are challenging and you want to make them better.”
“That sounds hard.”
Step 2 - Explore
“What have you tried so far?”
“What are some ways you might address this?”
“Have you spoken directly to (name) about it?”
Step 3 - Support
“What do you need from me?”
“Is it helpful to brainstorm your approach?”
“Will you let me know if you need my involvement or support?”
Obviously this is a script for little “c” conflict. If its big “C” conflict with a high potential for disruption, where there are power dynamics at play, or where there is the potential for workplace harm, you as a leader may need to be more involved in navigating the issue.
But my recommendation? Do not default to fixing. Consider where you can lean back and use a coaching style to hold people capable of solving their own problems. You’ll save yourself time and build up your team while doing it.
If you’re looking for help manage conflicts in your team, let’s connect! Send me an email at megan@meganmcallister.ca.
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