Hint - repairing trust is totally possible. I’ve seen it happen. But it takes time and effort.
Trust - whether it's in working or personal relationships - it's the foundation for everything good that happens.
Review any of the (many) models for high-performing teams and you will see that trust is at the heart of all of them.
With trust present:
We default to benefit of the doubt vs finger-pointing
We can work through (inevitable) differences in a productive way
We experience more psychological safety and less fear at work
We feel supported and setup to do our best work
We enjoy ourselves more
Trust is critical - yet we often have breakdowns in trust within our teams.
So what do you do when trust gets broken?
Recognize how finicky trust is and that repairs will simply take time
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair”. This quote underscores just how precious trust is (although I’d challenge the “forever” part).
If trust has been broken, our natural response will be to self-protect. Add to this, the human confirmation bias - our tendency to search for, favour, and use information that confirms pre-existing views. When faced with a breakdown in trust, you can expect our confirmation bias to scan the environment and over index on cues that confirm our lack of trust makes sense.
The point - if trust has been broken with another person, you will need to try really hard to provide evidence that supports building trust, and you will need to do that in a consistent way over time.
If you feel someone has broken your trust, be aware of your confirmation bias and ask yourself whether you are looking for things to “go wrong” or whether you are open to moving toward a more trusting relationship.
Intentionally make regular & consistent deposits to the trust “bank account”
I like to think of trust as a “bank account” - something that gets built over time with regular “deposits” that compound.
These deposits may be small, everyday actions - doing what you said you would, being consistent in your actions and making a point to bridge connection through 1:1 conversations.
There may also be an opportunity to make big deposits. Can you actively listen to a person’s viewpoint and be responsive to feedback they share? Can you show a colleague that you have their back by aligning or amplifying their message in a group meeting? Can you be open to compromising on something when in the past, you would have taken a hard line?
All of these actions can add up to someone feeling seen, heard, and respected. Powerful foundations for building trust.
Recognize that you are 50% of every relationship you are in
This is a truth I heard shared from the brilliant Kristen Lisanti, that I find both confronting and empowering!
When we acknowledge that we have a role to play in all of our relationships, it comes with taking responsibility for our part (the confronting part), but it also means we have an opportunity to influence change (the empowering part).
Whether you have broken someone’s trust, or feel someone has broken your trust, ask yourself the question: what is my role in moving us toward a more trusting and positive working relationship?
Seek feedback and accountability from people you put trust in
Any kind of change, especially behaviour change, can be hard. It is very easy to default to showing up in the way we always have. If you are serious about making shifts in how you show up as a leader, consider ways you can get feedback from the people you trust. This may be sharing your goals and asking for feedback from a handful of colleagues that you trust, and who you know will be honest with you. Or it may mean working with a professional coach. Supporting yourself by sharing your goals and getting feedback along the way is a powerful formula for change.
If you want to learn more about how I help individuals and teams build more trusting and productive working relationships, send me an email at megan@meganmcallister.ca.
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